Quick Vent

I am officially quitting my part-time job at the end of this school year. By part-time, I mean that I have worked ONE day a week for the past three years that I have been a mom. My kids have been cared for lovingly (in their own home) by our Florida grandmother whom God generously blessed us with. At the beginning of each school year, my loving husband and I have evaluated our families' needs and my desires and have chosen each time for me to continue working ONE day a week, until this year.

Am I excited about this change? Two answers: First answer, Yes, I am excited about having my mind completely free of anything "school" related. My mind gets a little cluttered sometimes and having extra free space to think about raising toddlers and feeding infants and serving my husband and creating a happy home does make me excited. Second answer, No, I have no stirred emotions - good or bad - about the amount of time this means I will now be spending at home. Because, in reality, I am spending only 1/7th more time in my home next year than I did this year. That is it. And that is where the rub comes in.

I have been highly annoyed by people's reactions to me quitting this little part-time job of mine. Their immediate reaction is, "good for you. Staying home with your children is such an important thing. You will never regret this time spent with your children." Was I not staying home with them before? Did they think that me working one day a week was causing my children to suffer? One day? Really??

I obviously know that being with your children is a big, big deal. Coming from someone whose only influence from her biological mother came before the age of seven, I do believe that your early years and the influences you receive during those years matter, even if it doesn't always make sense to me how. I have made sacrifices in the last three years to stay home with them. Believe it or not, my boss doesn't pay me the same amount to work one day as he did to work five days a week. This pay cut has contributed to us not having any hope of moving out of our two-bedroom house with our three multi-gender children. Lower income has meant making do with one car for much of the time, driving to Indiana for vacation instead of flying, and other little sacrifices. Mostly, it has meant not seeing any real way to come up with the extra 60,000 dollars we would need to give the bank if we would try to sell our home right now. But that is okay. Curt and I are the ones that are the primary influences on our children. I get to read to them, and play with them, and make their lunch, and kiss them before naptime. I am very thankful for this.

To say that I am just now becoming a "full-time" mom makes me want to scream a little bit. If I am just now becoming this, than maybe I should have been doing things a little differently the past three years. Maybe for the four days a week that I wasn't working I should have been going to the mall by myself, eating relaxing lunches with friends, and taking personal trips to the beach. I don't think that my life with toddler twins for the past three years has looked anything like those things.

Anyway...that is just my vent. Yes, maybe now I am a "fuller-time" mom, but I certainly don't think that I wasn't one before this time either.

(Side note before I finish my vent: I say we have made sacrifices for me to stay at home, and we have. The house thing is kind of a big deal. However, I also know that our sacrifices are actually really really small. We have a fine life. We are able to do fun things. We eat out more than we should. We are really very, very blessed. And as far as the house thing goes, as much as I don't love the size of my house, I do love that I have a home to take care of my family in. I sometimes have one of those "woah" moments when I think that I am really an adult, wife, and mother, and this is really the home that my kids will picture when they picture their (hopefully) happy childhood. That makes my home blessed. Also, the "Florida grandmother" that God graciously placed three streets down from us makes up for so many faults of my little house. It is a good reminder that even though financially we wish we hadn't bought this house before the market crashed, God clearly has faithfully provided for us during this time in a way that is way greater than cash.)

(Side note again. Take a look at the 2nd paragraph again. Notice that I said feeding "infants" in the plural state. I simply cannot train my brain to think about the fact that I am only having one baby this time. I continually think in plurals. Haha)