Nighttime Blessings (Jocelyn's story - Pt 3)

We were situated in our new room, and I was able to feed Jocelyn again and change into new clothes by about 5 PM. This timing was so much nicer than the twins. I think the fact that it was still daylight out definitely contributed to my overall “humanlike” feelings. I still had energy, and had just enough time to enjoy the evening before visiting hours were over and it was back to just the three of us again in our cozy little room (with an ocean view). I looked back at pictures of the twins, and I didn’t change clothes until the twins were about 36 hours old, and I probably didn’t leave the room for about that long also. I liked the nurse, her name was Liza. I was surprised when she mentioned that Dr. Vaughan, our awesome pediatrician had been called, and he was going to stop by on his way home from the office. I definitely did not expect to see him until the next morning. He gave her a good report, said I looked great, and said he would see us the next morning. Just a few more blessings that were wrapped up into this 2nd/3rd experience (never am quite sure how to think of it).

Marcia brought the twins up shortly after Dr. Vaughan left. When we had talked to the twins earlier on the phone to announce the birth of their baby sister, Marcia showed them the picture text message we had sent. We were able to hear their reactions on the phone. Mackenna said, “she came out!” as her eyes got all big and wide, Marcia told us. Micah had a very serious, thinking face on. Marcia also told me that she said, “I love my baby sister” twice in the period after the phone call. They were so excited as they charged into the hospital room. They looked at her in the bassinet bed thing for awhile, and we could hardly hold Mackenna back when it was time to hold her. The twins and I climbed in bed and each twin got a chance to hold Jocelyn. Mackenna was first, then Micah. I then heard a sweet voice from Mackenna, “can I have a second turn?” A little while later, it was time to hold her again, and we were in a different position, one where Mackenna really was truly holding her more. I still had my arm around her, and Mackenna looked up at me, and in kind of a negotiating voice, asked if I would please move my arm so she could hold her all by herself. She really was in love. I had gotten the twins some big sister/big brother presents - a few more “Cars” for him and a new purse with some squinkies for her. Micah may have been more excited about the cars than his sister, but he did show some love and excitement for her as well. It was a good first visit. 

The twins left, and we got some dinner, it was close to 8 or 9 by this point. The night shift brought another great nurse (sense a theme here?), Cherrie. I wasn’t sure when I first met her, she seemed kind of old and “stuffy,” but she was really kind and compassionate throughout that whole night shift. I don’t know if it was just a unique fluke, or what, but I definitely felt like the nurses treated me much differently this second time around. They would come in, ask if the baby had nursed or peed or pooped, hear my response, say “great," and leave. Much less invasive and pushy. It was nice to feel like they trusted me. Later, we got to talking about her family. She had seven kids, and a whole slew of grandkids, and she seemed to really like her job. We talked a little bit about big families, and it was interesting to get her perspective (although the details of our conversation are a little fuzzy to me right now. Maybe I was tired as I was talking, or something. Haha.)

Jocelyn’s first night went pretty well - you know, for someone who hadn’t been out of the womb for 20 hours yet. She must have nursed sometime around 9ish, because at midnight, she was still sleeping, and I didn’t know what to do. I actually called the nurse to ask if I should wake her up or not. She said no, that I should get some rest. I dozed some, but I did wake her up shortly after that. I wasn’t sleeping all that well, and I really wanted to make sure I was nursing her frequently enough - both for my body and hers. At this point, I sent an email to Christa pointing out just how different this experience of having one baby was than having two. I actually had called and nurse and asked what I should do because my baby was still sleeping. That would have sounded absolutely insane the first time around. I knew that things could change in an instant, but up until that point (and really, still until now), I would be lying if I said that having one baby was anything but easier than having two! She slept until 3ish, and then it was somewhat downhill from there. She wanted to pretty much eat hourly until 7. She did sleep after that, but by that point, it was time for shift change, midwife rounds, pediatrician rounds, vitals, my exam, etc. Somehow, both Curt and Jocelyn slept through all of these visitors. Haha. That really made me smile. I guess, from this aspect, I can see why some people want to rush right home from the hospital. If we had been home for this night awake time and morning sleep time, I could have been sleeping also; no doctors or nurses would have kept me up with vitals and exams. However, coming home would have meant the chaos of two lovely munchkins, not the serene peace and quiet that I might picture in my head. I guess, if I could have all the experience and confidence of doing this for a second time around, without all the chaos of my other little people, home wouldn’t have been a bad place to be. Looking at the situation from my view of reality, I’m very glad that I was able to stay in the hospital until Friday. (Jocelyn did get weighed sometime that first night/next morning, and we found out that she hadn’t lost any weight yet - still 7 lbs 3 oz! The nurse commented that whatever I was doing with her constant eating must be working.)

Both of my first two nurses commented about Jocelyn being at an increase risk for developing jaundice because of all the bruising on her forehead. When the first nurse said this, I just kind of nodded and smiled like I knew what they were talking about, but when the second one said it also, I asked what the two had to do with each other. She said that jaundice is caused by a build up of dead red blood cells, that your liver is supposed to dispose of but hasn’t been able to keep up. The liver will work to filter the blood first regarding the bruise and the dead red blood cells there, leaving an excess of red blood cells in the rest of the blood stream, causing jaundice. Thankfully, yet another reason to be thankful, Jocelyn never developed anything close to jaundice. She would have a “ruddy” complexion at times while being examined, but her overall color stayed fine, and she eventually passed her bilirubin screen with flying colors. (She does appear to have sensitive skin, however. Her skin will get pretty red after it has been pressed up against my skin or anything else. Not sure how this is going to go in the diaper area. We are still working on that.)

One more "hospital" part of Jocelyn's story to share. If you are still reading, stay tuned...

Her first few hours (Jocelyn's story - Pt 2)

After some skin to skin time with mama, the baby nurse took her to weigh her and get her a little more cleaned up. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 3.3 oz and was 20.5 inches long. I heard the nurse mention apgar scores of 8 and 9. At this point, her head was shaped quite a bit like a unicorn and she had a large amount of bruising on her forehead. Apparently my pelvic bones hadn’t been too nice to her, and her poor face had suffered the brunt of her acrobatic stunts in utero. In spite of this, the nurses were enthralled with her - her delicate features and her extremely alert eyes. They kept commenting that her first pink hat, the solid dark pink one, definitely was “her color," that it really complemented her skin tone and features well. She was given back to me for some skin to skin nursing, and she latched on immediately. 

This was a blessing on so many levels. For one, I had been saying to many of my friends during the weeks leading up to birth that it really didn’t matter to me how she entered the world. I was prepared for a c-section, and I had come to terms with that. However, nursing was one of those things that I wasn’t as nonchalant about. I did (and still do) care how she gets her food. I had been praying that nursing would come naturally for us, and it really got a great start. Also, there had been some concern that morning about whether or not I would get to nurse her shortly after birth. Earlier, a nurse had walked into the room and had bluntly announced, “now, you know that since you refused HIV testing, I will have to take your baby from you right after birth and give her a bath.” I was a little caught off guard by this, and I asked her what she meant by “taking my baby right after birth.” She said that it was a new hospital policy (wasn’t in place when I declined the testing), and I would have a little time with her, but then she would need her bath. She wasn’t overly kind about this, and I commented about this to Curt after she left the room. He mentioned that her job all day is to tell moms that she has to take their baby away from them; she obviously had adopted a “pull the bandaid off quickly” kind of method of dealing with this. I figured there was nothing I could do about the situation at this point, and we moved on. It turns out that when it was time for Jocelyn to arrive in the world, there were a few other babies being born as well. The first nurse, the really blunt one, was with one of those other babies. The baby nurse that took care of Jocelyn was much more tender and warm. She also clearly thought the new policy was stupid. So combine that with the fact that Jocelyn entered the world fully alert and ready to eat, rooting constantly, and the policy was slightly “bent” a bit in this situation. After she was weighed and everyone was commenting on how much she wanted to eat, I asked if I could nurse her before her bath, expecting maybe only a few minutes to try this. The nurse hesitated a bit, and then said sure, that she would leave for about 30 minutes and then come back for the bath. Everyone else stepped out then too. I was able to just hold and nurse and cuddle my baby, with only Curt in the room also, for those thirty minutes. It was really great. She ate from the right, then the left, then Curt held her for the first time, and then she ate from the right again. So thankful. 

To make the situation even better, when it was time for her bath, it was also lunchtime for me. My food arrived, and I was able to eat and make a few phone calls while Jocelyn got her bath right there in the room with me. It really worked out perfectly. When the time did come for us to move to our 2nd room, Jocelyn was able to stay in with us the whole time - she didn’t have to leave for any kind of bath, and I still got my initial skin to skin nursing time that I had hoped for. (When the twins were born, they didn’t get their bath until we were over in our 2nd room, sometime after midnight. I had been prepared for there not being a nursery at the hospital and for the babies to room in with me the whole time. It had been a long day, and my emotions were crazy by this point. The babies were taken away to get their bath, and it seemed like they had been gone a really long time and they weren’t coming back. I had Curt go look for them. He came back and told me that the nursery - which I didn’t think they had - was going to keep the twins and let me get a little sleep. I didn’t deal with this well. I was panicked they wouldn’t bring them back as soon as I wanted them. That I wouldn’t get to nurse them. Etc. So I laid in bed for awhile and didn’t really get the sleep that my nurse had wanted me to get. I’m not sure how they ended up back in our room - if Curt had to go hunt them down again or if they really did get delivered to me in time to feed, but it wasn’t my fondest memory from that night. One that I'm thankful I didn't have to repeat.)


Another one of my least favorite memories from the first time around, and an item I had been praying about, was going to the bathroom. With the twins, the whole day was great - labor, birth, nursing - until it was time to get out of bed. Things went downhill from there. I lost blood, got dizzy, and couldn’t go to the bathroom. Not a winning experience, and the main mental deterrent from me getting an epidural this time. However, on this trip to the bathroom, my spirits were high (thanks in part to my really fun, great nurse - have I mentioned her yet - wink wink). I was joking as we walked to the bathroom that surely if I could pee the night before when I didn’t intend to, I could do it now when I did want to. And, thankfully, I did. Hallelujiah for not having to be hooked to awkward tubes for the next 12-24 hours. 

As I was being wheeled to my new room, I was overwhelmed by the blessings. I was holding a beautiful (clean) baby girl, I was unhooked from all IVs, and was not getting ready to be rehooked up to any other tubes. I felt good enough to ask the twins to come visit, and I was thinking about what clothes I wanted to change into. (I had expected the induction to take longer, more like the twins, and I was not planning on seeing Micah or Mackenna until the next day.) Really, in so many ways, I had all the positives of “not getting an epidural,” but still got to have the pain relief of the epidural. 

Speaking of the epidural, I had a nice conversation with Nancy about epidurals. I had been somewhat curious as to how this induction would go with a midwife instead of a doctor. I wasn’t sure what her opinion would be if and when I asked for pain relief. The leg pain definitely clinched the deal on an epidural for me. Once the excruciating leg pain had subsided and I was able to talk again, I asked her about her experiences with epidurals vs. natural child birth, even water births. She was positive about all the options, not at all condescending of choosing to get an epidural. I was feeling a little bit like I shouldn’t have gotten one - I really only had one for two hours. I was thinking that surely I could have dealt with the pain if it was only going to last for two hours. Nancy pointed out that sometimes the epidural relaxes you to the point that your body can progress through the end of labor, instead of forcing you to tighten up and slow down the process. She seemed to think it was a fine/good decision for me to make. And, in my own consideration, I don’t regret it at all. Yes, maybe it only would have been two hours of leg pain, but maybe it would have been far more. She was sunny side up, and I successfully pushed her out in less than 30 minutes. She nursed well from the beginning. I was able to pee. I got the feeling back in my legs quickly. No real negatives in my book - aside from the bruise on my back from the multiple needle sticks. I guess I can deal with that.

Still a few more mama ramblings to share in a future post...

There once was a girl...

There once was a girl with a curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid.

Enough said.

September 21st was a good day (Jocelyn's Story - Pt 1)

(Started being written sometime on Thursday the 22nd)

So this is the story of a sweet little bundle named Jocelyn. She is brand new and squishy. She has a double chin and long legs and fingers. She is still a stranger to me a bit, but yet she is also a part of me. In some ways, I am still a stranger to her too, but she does love to listen to my voice and stare at my eyes. She likes to be sung to, and she loves to suck. She is currently snoozing next to me, the sweetest little bundle. She came into the world like this…


After my “water breaking that wasn’t” incident, we left for the hospital for real on Wednesday morning, Sept. 21st around 5:30 am. The kids were still at Marcia’s from the night before, so we were just able to get up and get going. I say “get up,” but that probably isn’t the best term for it. I really had a hard time sleeping Tuesday night. I slept from about midnight to 1:30 and then again from about 3:45 to 4:45. That was about it. I read and prayed, caught up on birth stories on friend’s blogs, and tried to sleep. When it was time to leave, I will be honest that I was a little pessimistic about the whole idea of being induced. When Curt took a “getting in the car” picture of me that morning, I thought about immediately entitling it a “leaving for my failed induction” picture. I was in a joking and sarcastic mood about everything, but I definitely wasn’t optimistic. I even had Curt leave some of our bags in the car when we got to the hospital, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of carrying pillows and a suitcase back out to the van when it failed. 


We got checked in, and actually had the same nurse from just a few hours prior. She had not been overly positive about me or my induction when we had left the night before, but she was slightly more upbeat this morning. (“You are only 1 cm and thick. If this were your first baby, I would tell you to prepare for a long day, but maybe, since its not, maybe it will go better....”) She checked me around 6:30 a.m. and still thought she felt a head, and that maybe it was slightly lower than it had been the night before. She also thought that I was maybe softer and slightly more dilated (1.5 instead of 1). She did say that maybe all the contractions from the night before had done something (which was definitely not the tune she was singing the last time we had talked). She went ahead and started the pitocin around 6:45 AM - 2.0 mL/hour - saying it would get turned up every 30 minutes until it did its job. 


At shift change I got a new nurse, and what a welcome and positive change it was. Her name was Becki, and she was fabulous. She was just so stinkin positive. She was upbeat and cheerful, kind and thorough. She was one of my favorite parts of the day!


Chilling and having my pitocin turned up is pretty much how I spent my morning. I was having mildly painful contractions every 3 minutes or so by about 7:45. By 8:45, it was up to 10.0 mL/hour. Curt and I watched the first two episodes of Lost, I got up and sat on the birthing ball some, I had some juice, I made a successful trip to the bathroom, it was a fine morning. Becki, making me fall more in love with her, had commented that I was going to have the baby by 2:00. I responded with something about that sounding like wonderful but wishful thinking, as we still had no idea if I was progressing at all and I was still just hoping to not get sent home, to have the baby before dark, and to avoid nurse shift change. Around 9:00, Dr. Dadisman (the doctor who did my version) stopped in and asked if anyone had checked for a head with the ultrasound machine. They hadn’t, so she did. Sure enough, there was a nice head there in the right position. It did look like she was possibly looking sideways in the pelvis, but there was no comment made about this. We chatted for a few minutes, and she went on her way. I was extremely happy that she was the doctor on call. She is kind and confident, very personable and down to earth. If I had needed to see her again (instead of my midwife), I would have been fine with that. 


Also around this time, the pain started increasing. The contractions were coming every minute or so, and they were getting much harder. It was still bearable, but I found myself increasingly curious to know if things were progressing or not. I didn’t want to be checked just to hear “no change” and to lower the positive mood of my lovely nurse, but I also really felt like things had to be moving somewhere. My midwife still had not stopped by, and I was getting more agitated about this. I asked Becki about it, thinking that the midwife’s presence related to my eventually getting drugs, and she said that pain management was up to me. When I wanted to ask about it, she would check me and get things started. I decided to wait awhile. It seemed that every time Becki visited my room, I was between a contraction. Since I was happy and smiling, and still able to talk and answer her questions, she didn’t think I was in much pain (and to her credit, I certainly wasn’t in much pain compared to what was to come). By about 10:00, the pain had moved lower, to my low pelvis and also my back. Also, I was starting to feel the contractions in my legs, shooting sharp pains down my outer thighs. I went to the bathroom again and decided that I was going to try and make it to 10:30 before asking about drugs. I only made it to about 10:15! Things were really picking up at this point, both in intensity and just tempo of the day. Curt called Becki for me, and found out that Nancy, my midwife for the day, was there and they were getting ready to come in and check me. Nancy checked, and I had progressed to 3 cm, 80% effaced, and -2 station. She did think the baby was probably face up or face sideways. She wasn’t ready to break my water yet, but Becki asked if they could start getting me hydrated for an epidural, and Nancy said of course. She mentioned that she would let the epidural kick in and then she would break my water. Becki got the IV fluids started and Nancy and Becki both stayed and talked for awhile about a variety of things - the new fall line up of shows, the new NCIS the night before (which Curt and I had gotten to watch since we had spent the night before at home instead of at the hospital!), the premiere of Biggest Loser, changes at the OB office, etc. It was kind of a random conversation, but I was thankful for the distraction from the intense pain I was in. The leg pain was unbelievably awful, and it was coming less than a minute apart. 


After 11, the epidural lady showed up to start paperwork and prepwork. The actual delivering of the epidural did not go as well as last time. This is ironic, because one of the main things that stood out from the twins’ delivery was the funny way that the anestethsiologist just kept saying, “you have a beautiful back. such a beautiful back...” This time, the lady asked me if I had scoliosis, and she had to stick me multiple times before she was able to get it in. I’m not sure if childbirth and another pregnancy really has changed my back that much, or if I was just in so much pain that I wasn’t sitting correctly on the lumpy bed. I jerked away on the first stab, but she eventually got the epidural in and started sometime after 11:30. It took a little longer for its effects to kick in than I remember, but they eventually did. I was able to move both legs this time (last time one leg lost all usefulness). 


Because the contractions were coming so rapidly, they turned the pitocin down to 6.0. At noon (only an hour and a half since my last check), Becki checked me and I was 8 cm and 100% effaced. No wonder things had gotten so crazy. My water was still intact and the baby was still at -2 station. I was able to relax in bed, laying on first my right side and then my left (I think this was an attempt to hopefully get the baby to rotate in my pelvis now that I was relaxed), and around 12:30, I announced, “yup, my water just broke,” and this time I wasn’t making it up. Becki got my bed cleaned up, called for Nancy, and started things in motion for delivery. It was surreal to see carts being brought into the room, the warmer turned on, baby nurses popping in, etc. The epidural and my hormone surges were giving me the shakes at this point. At Nancy’s next check, she thought the baby had possibly rotated out of sunny side up, and that there was only the slightest rim of cervix left. 


I guess I fully dilated sometime shortly after that; Nancy had said that just a few more contractions would do it, and at 12:55, I started pushing, with pitocin completely turned off and unhooked shortly after that. Nancy seemed pleased with my pushing, but the baby wasn’t really descending, so after a few rounds of pushing, she suggested that we just watch a couple of contractions and see what happened. We watched some contractions on the monitor (thanks to the glory of my epidural), and even though I wasn’t pushing, some really great things happened in these few minutes. One, the baby descended, on her own, much further down into the birth canal. Also, I was able to really start to feel the pressure and the contraction waves that I wasn’t feeling before. I wasn’t in intense pain, but I could definitely feel the pressure rising. I started pushing again after that. I remember Becki calling for a baby nurse asking her if she wanted to attend a “birthday party in room # such and such.” They started being able to see the head sometime after that. It really seemed to everyone that she was completely bald. (I did feel the head at some point in time also.) Again, one of my favorite parts of this delivery was seeing the extreme excitement on Curt’s face as the pushes got more productive and he could really tell that she was close. That was so encouraging to me last time to just keep pushing, and it was this time as well. (I get a little self-conscious and awkward feeling during pushing.) After a few more pushes, at 1:33 pm, Jocelyn Raeanne Sharbaugh came into the world, screaming and face up. The first thing I heard from both Nancy and Becki was, “oh you little stinker.” What we had been thinking was a bald head, was actually her poor forehead. She had successfully come out, head down, but face/forehead up. She was immediately passed up to my stomach to meet while the nurse wiped her off. Curt cut the cord, and I spent some time staring at and starting to get to know my little girl (and trying to come up with something else to say to her besides “hi” and “shhhhh”).


Stay tuned for Part 2...

The facebook statuses that weren't...

but could have been.

- I may only have one child in diapers right now, but since we go through at least two diapers at every diaper change, it feels vaguely familiar!
- I may not have gotten a ton of sleep last night (Tuesday night), but it was certainly still better than Tuesday night a week ago. And sleeping with a bundle on my chest is much better than that bundle in my belly.
- How can one week bring such change into our lives? Good change. But definitely change.

She's here...

Jocelyn Raeanne Sharbaugh
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
1:33 PM
7 lbs 3 oz
20.5 inches

We love her. And I have much more to say later...

Oh, Mackenna...

The other day our sweet little Mackenna was acting a little less than sweet. She was going to the potty and having a chat with daddy. She got a little frustrated about something and decided taking a swat at daddy was the way to go. When he reprimanded her for this, she quickly chimed in, "I was just giving you a high five."

Also, during dinner tonight, Mackenna was happily telling us something about her food. She ended her statement with a burp. As she was saying excuse me (since that is proper manners, you know), she ended that statement with a snort. She is quite the lady!

So apparently that can happen...

I thought my water broke last night around 6:30 PM. It was the most exciting thing. Except that it didn't really happen.

It really just felt right. It had been a different kind of day. I had kind of felt "leaky" all day, contractions were picking up in frequency and intensity, I had the intense desire to clean my house. When my "water broke," it just seemed like the next step. An awesome next step.

Unfortunately, I guess it was just pee. :)  So, yup, I can think of all kinds of funny things to say here, like: Micah isn't the only one who had an accident yesterday or just when I get two kids out of diapers, we will have two more in diapers, etc.

Yeah, I didn't really think it was so funny last night. And I'm not sure I still do. Water breaking is such a clear sign that your body is saying "go time." There is no turning back. I really got a glimpse that I was really going to be holding a baby sometime soon. It was beautiful.

Now, it is 5:21 AM, and I got VERY little sleep last night. I'm ready to go to the hospital for the 2nd time in less than 12 hours, and I'm hopeful that we will have a different result. I'm hopeful, but I'm also feeling a little jaded.

However, he is too wise to be mistaken and too good to be unkind. He has already gone before and prepared my day. Now it is time for me to walk into it with an open mind and heart.

Dwell on the truth

I am trying to "take every thought captive" when it comes to swirl of thoughts in my head about the upcoming birth of this baby girl. I am thankful that I hopefully only have two more nights of sleep/worry before she arrives. I wake up frequently in the night, and it is hard to get the crazy thoughts out of my head when I'm trying to go back to sleep. I try to spend the time praying, and I thought it might be helpful to make a list of true thoughts to dwell on during those harder times.

- God is the blessed and only Sovereign - it is only He who ultimately controls the events of this child's birth (1 Timothy 6:15)
- God is the one who gave her life and has sustained her thus far - he is the one in charge
- I cannot, by worrying, add or subtract a single minute to her life (Matthew 6:27)
- God has determined her times and places to live (Acts 17:26)
- God gives good gifts to those who ask (Matthew 7:11)
- God is my refuge and strength, present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1)

What else should be added to this list?

**Some updates from friends -
- God loves her and will not forget her, even if I could (Isaiah 49:14-16)
- God has knit her together in my womb. She, as well as me, is fearfully and wonderfully made. All of her days are written in his book before she has even come (Psalm 139:13-18)
- It is the Lord who gives good things to those who walk with him (Psalm 84:11)
- And one courtesy of my kids and their cubbies studies! All beautiful things are created by God (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Almost a big sister

My sweet little Mackenna. Hard to believe she is almost a big sister. Where has the time gone? 

She really has a tender side. I love seeing the way she cares for me and the baby. She will often ask me how mama is doing, how my belly feels, if it is tight, if I am sore. She came up tonight and just put one hand on her chin and one hand on my belly, waiting for a kick. She prays consistently (Micah does too, but especially her) thanking God that mama has a baby. She can't wait to be a big sister. She wants to play with her sister, but she also knows she will do a lot of sleeping and eating from mama in the beginning. When she gets bigger, she says she wants to be "just like mama." She still loves to snuggle, even though my belly gets in the way. She gives great hugs, being careful of the baby, and sometimes even hugging her too. Yes, she has an awful temper and range of emotions, but she has such a tender and affectionate side that it completely melts my heart. I'm so happy that I get the privilege of being her mama, and I can't wait for her to have a sister.

Our cat hisses

At least the yellow one does, the one Micah has decided is "his" cat (Peeve).
Today at lunch he announced that Peeve was his cat but he couldn't talk to him, bc whenever he does Peeve says "bad things" to him.
Glad he has standards!

Maybe she'll be here by the next update

The version was four days ago. I have transitioned into a new phase of uncomfortable since the version. The pain wasn't "that" bad during the version, but it left my abdomen really tender and sore. This has made moving and bending more difficult - I officially look strange when I do anything. I have been having quite a few contractions, mostly false ones I assume, some are painful, but they don't fall into any kind of pattern yet.


I did think that the baby had flipped back to breech or transverse. I felt some major rolling movements, and I thought I felt her hard round head in the exact same spot it was before the version on Wednesday morning. I knew the plan would be to do the version again, and schedule an induction for immediately after, in my 39th week. I also knew that the baby was just going to get bigger and more and more stuck, so I wanted to do the procedure early in the week. For this reason, I moved my 39 week appointment to Friday (yesterday) instead of Monday. 


The doctor that I saw on Friday also thought that she had flipped back breech when she felt my abdomen. She also couldn't conclusively tell from the internal exam. However, the ultrasound showed that she was indeed still head down, but actively squirming around. Because her position does not seem "fixed" at this point, the doctor said that if I was okay with scheduling an induction next week, so was she. Assuming she is still head down, I can go back to a midwife delivery - the ladies in the practice that I am at least more familiar with. I do feel that this is a wise decision, if she is head down, then, Lord willing, it will be a smooth induction in the middle of my 39th week, just 5 days before my due date. If she isn't, and I go to the hospital before my water breaks or I am in active labor, then hopefully we will be able to attempt a version. I don't believe this would be the case if I waited for labor.


So Wednesday is the day (with my favorite midwife). That leaves today and tomorrow, fairly normal weekend days for us. Monday, a family day, maybe going to the beach. And Tuesday, a work day for Curt and a normal mom day for me. That is it. I can't believe it.

Some prayer requests - 

- That she really would stay head down until Wednesday. I'm going to play music down low and not lie down flat, but the rest is up to her!

- That I would make a little more progress before the induction on Wednesday. I had a very successful and smooth induction with the twins (they had pretty much turned off pitocin by the afternoon), but I had made a little more progress by the start of the induction.

- If she is not head down on Wednesday, that a good doctor would be on call for the version and it would be successful - not leaving me too sore to accomplish labor.

- If she is not head down on Wednesday, and if a version is not possible, that all involved will have wisdom about the potential c-section.

- That she really would be born on Wednesday (or Thursday). I have a hard time controlling my emotions as we go into this situation, and gearing up for a birth on Wednesday, for it not to happen just seems really hard to deal with.

- For a healthy, good nursing, little girl

- For safety for my mom as she travels down on Friday (one week from yesterday - wow!) - and that the timing of her trip would be just perfect

- That I would be able to sleep as much as possible between now and then - not awake because of crazy thoughts in my head

Baby Hijinks

Time for some baby updates. This is mostly old news now, but I wanted to record.

I went Monday (the 12th) for my 38 week appointment. First of all, my weight has continued to fluctuate/drop, as it has since I returned from vacation in mid July. I will spare myself the embarassment of posting the actual numbers, but it has just been bouncing around the same basic July weight. I mentioned this to the midwife, and she just encouraged me to eat more. Haha. I really don't think that is my "problem." At least the tray of chocolate chip cookies I had polished off the night before didn't think that was the problem. She felt around my abdomen and proceeded to go ahead and measure for my growth. Up until 34 weeks, I had been measuring on schedule, and then I had started measuring a week behind. This week, I had "lost" two weeks and was now four weeks behind, measuring only 34 weeks. The midwife didn't show overt concern over this, but she did mention that we would check internally and see if the drop was because the baby had dropped her head lower into the pelvis. (The week before at 37, she couldn't confirm the baby's position externally, but was pretty sure from internal exam that she was feeling head down position.) When she went to check, she was quick to say that it wasn't a head she was feeling, but probably a foot. So we moved to the ultrasound room to confirm. Meanwhile, I was trying not to worry about the drop in weight and growth, but the appointment had kind of moved at its own pace, and in the meantime we hadn't checked the fetal heartbeat yet. The midwife realized this, but just decided to check on ultrasound while we were over there. Sure enough, she was head up (on my upper right side). I asked about her heart, and we went over to check, but from the angle that we were first at, it honestly didn't look like it was beating. We quickly fixed that and saw that it was fine. Her butt and feet were down in my pelvis. Debbie, my midwife, wonderfully talked to me about my options. I am so thankful that back at 34 to 36 weeks, I had had to consider the risks and rewards of a version, because when it came up this time, I was able to say that "yes, I would like one" without a lot of hesitation. The main consideration was when to have one. Doing it as soon as possible, at 38 weeks, gave us the greatest chance that the baby would still be small enough and high enough (out of the birth canal) that we would be able to get her to turn, but it also presented the greatest chance that she would flip right back. Waiting until 39 weeks would mean a somewhat lower chance for success, but a greater chance that the doctor would be willing to induce labor immediately if we were able to achieve a head down position. I opted for trying at 38 weeks and then potentially trying again at 39 weeks if she was breech again at that point. The midwife seemed to agree that this was a good course of action. So the plan became to go to the hospital at 7 am on Wednesday, get a fetal scan for position, get the shot of muscle relaxer, get an IV started (just in case), do the version, and then do a fetal growth ultrasound to check for size and overall health of the baby because of my slowed growth.

That brings us to today, kind of. I should probably mention first that it is a weird thing to prepare for having a baby, but yet knowing that that is really only a very small possibility. I needed to be prepared. I needed to have the house ready, bag packed, kid care in place, car seat in hand, because there was a risk of a version leading to an immediate c-section, but in reality, it was a very low likelihood. So, I tried to emotionally and physically prepare myself to have a baby on Wednesday, but also tried not to get my hopes up too much and try to think of the day as a pretty routine dress rehearsal for the hopeful eventual real thing one day soon.

I didn't get a lot of sleep on Tuesday night. Partly because I was anxious to get the event started, but also because right before bed I had gotten news that my friend Joanne was at the hospital having her twin boys, and then when I woke up around 4, I saw the text with a beautiful picture of her little ones. Sleep was hard to come by. Marcia had come to watch the kids (somewhat unsure as to whether she was committing to watching them for the morning or for a few days!), and Curt and I left for the hospital. We got checked in on the labor and delivery floor and met our nurse for the morning. We got a good one. She was feisty and funny. I had never met this doctor before, because I have only been seeing the midwives, and I have only met two of the six doctors in the practice. She came in and was very nice. She was upbeat, but comforting, very down to earth. She told me she would try the procedure about three times. She looked around on the ultrasound trying to determine the best direction to take the rotation. (She made sure and pointed out that the baby waved at us in the meantime, and then gave us a fist pump, potentially indicating she wasn't so happy about what was coming!) Dr. Dadisman then started firmly, but consistently, pushing on my abdomen, in a counter clockwise position to try and move the head down. The baby didn't really move. She decided to try the other direction, even though it was longer (the baby's head started on my upper right side). The baby responded by moving some, ending up about in the upper middle. (They would confirm with ultrasound between each push.) Both the nurse and the doctor worked together this time, the nurse pushing the baby's bottom out of the pelvis and the doctor rotating the baby's head clockwise down into the pelvis. They got it over to my left side, and I think they were considering quitting, but the doctor could tell that she was moving, they were having some "success," just needed to keep trying. They gave it one more good try and ended up with a head down baby girl. They watched her on the ultrasound for awhile and then put us both back on the monitors to check for baby's heart rate and any potential contractions. She didn't seem distressed to us, her heart rate seemed to stay between 140 and 160. The doctor stayed and charted for awhile and watched her progress; she wanted to see her get a "little happier." I proceeded to wait for the growth ultrasound.

As far as "pain" went, I had been told a variety of things - that it was the worst thing ever, and that it wasn't really that bad. I would say it was somewhere in the middle. It was a lot of pressure. Curt said that at one point my stomach was pushed so flat that it didn't look pregnant at all. But it was a dull pain, as opposed to something more sharp and painful like the shot in the arm I had gotten or the therapy I went through on my sewn through finger last year. However, I may actually have a higher pain tolerance than I thought, because the nurse and doctor did not think that I was going to be okay with how much they were pushing. They thought it was pretty bad. So maybe I'm tougher than I realize. Maybe I could do natural childbirth!

The ultrasound was interesting. The tech was a man, and he was really funny. He seemed good at his job, even though he had a bit of a rough mouth. He quickly saw that the head was still in the "down" position, and then he went to confirm gender (for our third time). She is very very clearly a girl. If she isn't a she...then we have some bigger problems to deal with. Her head measurements were somewhere around 38 weeks, her belly measurements closer to 36 weeks and her leg measurements closer to 40 weeks - giving us an overall estimate of 38 weeks for her age (right on track) and about 7ish pounds. (We'll see about this, they always seem to be "high" estimates from my experience.) She was doing good practice breathing, she seemed to be talking to us, her heart was beating well, she was sucking her thumb. We enjoyed watching her on the ultrasound, looking so healthy and beautiful. We were dismissed from ultrasound back to our room, and we were waiting to be discharged. We got news that the radiologist wouldn't clear us from ultrasound until they looked at her bladder some more. We remembered that he had commented on how large the bladder was, but we didn't think much of it. Probably an hour or so had gone by when it was time for the second ultrasound, and the bladder still was really big. The kidneys looked fine, so it was clear that it hadn't backed up to the point of ruining the kidneys, but there was still some concern that the version had possibly caused a bladder obstruction of some kind. We continued waiting and watching, and she did eventually empty her bladder. The mood wasn't too tense during this time, but it was the only time in the day that I thought a c-section might have been a real possibility. We left the hospital around noon.

It is now night time, and I am really sore. My belly is tender to the touch, and overall sore and crampy. I actually had red marks/scratches on me when I looked earlier. Between all the ultrasounds and pushing, I am tender to say the least. Also, I did feel one weird movement that makes me wonder if she has already flipped back to transverse or breech, but I'm too tender to do much poking around right now.

All in all, I'm thankful for the day. I enjoyed the people I was able to talk with today: ultrasound techs, nurse, doctor, husband. I'm thankful that I had a dry run at the hospital and hopefully I won't have to answer as many questions next time. Thankful that my bags are all really packed now and I'm prepared for the eventual real moment that will be coming. Thankful that I was able to see her moving, growing body. Thankful that we confirmed one more time that she really is a she. Thankful that we were able to get her head down. I am still curious as to how this story is going to end, and when, but it is really just a matter of curiosity, as I know that Someone else knows and has it all planned, just hasn't told me yet!

Rhyming

Sometimes Micah gets the rhyming thing right. Mostly he doesn't. His favorite rhyming words right now: "Pat, Rat, Snot"  (And he especially loves saying these words loudly in a store, over and over!)

He hears us!!

Mackenna just shouted, "God hears us!"

She then went on to say, "Thank you for making the world!"...."HE HEARS US!!"

And then,
"Thank you for making me, and for making Micah"......"HE HEARS US!!"

And then,
"Thank you for hearing us!"

Wow.....

(Micah is now thanking Mackenna for making the world, and she is correcting him with "no, God made the world.")

Update:
I want to make sure I mention Mackenna's traditional mealtime prayer right now. "Thank you that we get bigger. Thank you that we have a baby. Thank you we go to church on Sunday. (*sometimes/rarely* Thank you for our food.)"

"Are you happy now?"

We have been having some conversations about what makes mommy happy. The other day I was telling sweet Mackenna that it does not make me happy when she pees on the floor. The rest of the day was filled with her asking me, "Are you happy now, Mama?"

Then yesterday, as we were driving home from a friend's house, both kids took their carseat straps off their arms. I was reprimanding them, while still driving down the busy road. We talked about how straps keep us safe and how they are never to take them off while we are driving. Mackenna then asked me, "Are you happy now, Mama?" I told her "no, I am happy when you obey." She replied, "Well, what can I do to make you happy?" I told her, "obey Mama." She responded in a high-pitched, like-she-was-twirling-around-voice, "What if I go 'woooooo', will that make you happy? See, 'wooooooooo'! Are you happy now, Mama?"

Oh, sweet sweet little Mashugana, you do make your mama happy, even when you shouldn't!

More Meals

Here is another round of "eat half freeze half" meals...

Wednesday - traditional "Awana Night Pizza"

Thursday - Homemade chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes. I plan on making a big batch of noodles, so I can freeze half of them (as well as half of the broth and chicken) to use later. I won't be freezing mashed potatoes, but could always do the Steam and Mash ones when I make this the second time around

Friday - Homemade mac and cheese and Chicken Tenders

Saturday - Creamy Taco Mac

Sunday - Slow Cooker Chicken Corn Chowder (with more cornbread)

Monday - Plans

Tuesday - Creamy Beef over Noodles

Wednesday - you guessed it, Pizza again

Thursday - Pasta Milano

Friday - maybe I'll have a baby by then....hahhaahahaha....and since I probably won't, I'll console myself by making these - Ham and Cheese Sliders

Saturday - Mexican Chicken Casserole